I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
