i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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