he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
