dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
