I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
