Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
