I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
