i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
