I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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