I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
