I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
