Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
