I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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