Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
