WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
