I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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