then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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