Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
