So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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