I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize