Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
