Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
