I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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