I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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