The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
