Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
