We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
