So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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