There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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