Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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