jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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