so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the gays at disneyland are vicious
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
