I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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