Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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