Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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