I think im going to throw up on grandma
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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