I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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