You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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