I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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