Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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