I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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