...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
