If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
