Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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