turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize