Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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