i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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