the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
