i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
