Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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