We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
