Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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