I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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