made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
