Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
