i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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