It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
not ubering you a puppy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize