I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize