No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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