He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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