At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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