I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come on in and take your pants off
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