why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
